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Title: (Don't know. I'm open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change.

Warnings: Attempted suicide

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Once again thank you for your reviews. Waking up at stupid ‘o’clock in the morning produces such things. Bonus points if you catch where this parts title is from.


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Current Mood: tiredtired

Title: (Don’t know. I’m open to suggestions.)

Pairing: Rachel/ Santana, maybe Quinn/Brittany

Rating: PG-13 for now

Summary: I truly do love you. I know at school nothing can change.

Warnings: Attempted suicide

A/n: I’m not promising greatness. This is what happens when you put a writer in a class that they have no interest in. College is the same as high school that way.  I think on Veronica Mars they said that high school is the closest thing we have to institutionalized torture. If that’s true, then college is torture you pay for, and not in the good way. This is unbeta.


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Current Mood: coldcold

I start school back up in the morning. I really hope I find someone. I'm 22 years old. I'm a little tired of being alone. With my luck I wont. Whatever. I am not a science person. At least not a physical type of science. I'm more a How does your mind work social science type of person. I'm rambling. Although this is a journal soo I guess I'm allowed to. I start school back up. Another year. Another semester closer to my bachelors. Let the learning begin.

Still Me


            When we’re young we are easily confused by what we are told and what we know in our heart is right. I was no different in my confusion, just as I was no different in my pursuit of the truth. Even now I try to hunt down answers to questions that people have already told me the answer to, and just like then I refuse to believe anything on the mere faith that someone else knows more about what is right then I do.

            What is the right and wrong thing to do is something that has plagued me my entire life. When I was younger I tried to be a good person according to what I thought I was supposed to be, while still trying to remain true to who I was. I was never tardy, did my best to complete my assignments, and always stood up for my friends no matter what.

            I still stick up for my friends. The only difference is now I will tell them when they’re in the wrong. I remain faithful to my friends by accepting them for who they are while never stopping being true to my own heart.

            My heart is what guides my actions now just as it did then. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a smart girl and know that even the heart can lie to you sometimes. It is the nature of emotion to fail you, for emotion is irrational. That has not and will not stop me from following my gut. I was told that my intuition is my most powerful ally, and found that to be mostly true.

            Thankfully intuition has always kept me away from those that would try and harm me. Unfortunately, as a child verging on adulthood, it is exceedingly easy to misinterpret the voice of your intuition with the many voices of those around you.

            Teachers and other children were always trying to tell me this or that was wrong. I would always ask then as I do now one question. Why? Why is it wrong to be friends with so or so? Why must I feel sorry for this person and not that person? Why is it better to act this way and not the other?

            I was a very big advocate for being who you are, even if who you are is more then a little different. I could not understand for the life of me why acting prim and proper was more acceptable then actually living. I danced in the rain and invited others to join in. I was unafraid to state my opinion to anyone and everyone, whether they wanted to hear it or not. I am still unafraid to do so.

Fear of rejection still played into my younger years. I was extremely insecure that I wasn’t good enough. This insecurity still lives within me today and it causes me to strive to do better. I am no longer blinded by this fear the way I was when I was younger.

When you’re young being rejected by your peers means isolation. It is more the isolation then the actual rejection that I feared. I was used to being called weird. It was who I was and I was proud of how different I was, I still am. I didn’t want to be alone.

Today I stand strong and proud of whom I am with an image of the person I still wish to become. I still ask why. I want to know the answers to my questions and am not afraid to state my opinion and fight for what I believe. I get a wistful smile when I see kids dancing in the rain. I still try to be a good person. I want to save the world so that the different and the broken have a chance to live their lives without the same fear of rejection that I once felt. The most important thing is that today, just like yesterday, just like 6 and 7 years ago, I am still me, and that’s all I’ve ever truly tried to be.

Do You
By Antonia

Do you hear the whisper of my heart?

It is telling you a secret that I have tried to keep

It is telling you my past

It is asking if you will be my future


Can you feel my breath against your skin?

It caresses you in a tingling promise of what is to come

It sends heat shooting downwards

It signals you to the arousel you in turn inspire in me


Do you understand what my kiss means?

It is telling you of the passion you have invoked

It is telling you the tenderness I will show you

It is asking if this is what you want


Please anwser my heart with your own

Let your breath mingle with mine

Allow our lips and tounges to engage in an erotic dance

Please let me fullfill your desire by filling it with my own

Allow me to be your heart's wish as well as your minds greatest fantasey


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